Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Stupid People and Stupid Deeds
Not too much in this post, but I just wanted to let you know if I don't make it out alive it's been a good life!
What am I talking about?
COUNTRY CARNIVAL RUGBY UNION TOURNAMENT!!
I have come out of my 8-year retirement from rugby union to go and play with the Boulder-WASM team to provide them with a "fresh set of legs", although I'm not sure how fresh they are after all of these years.
Your beloved hero will wish he was covered in some kind of protective material when he's crashing headlong into a bunch of youg guys who were born in the last 2 decades, and to whom "The A-team" has something to do with elite sports. At least there will be booze and cold water to help fight off the aches and pains. The tournie is in Albany, a coastal town about 700 kms from Kalgoorlie. It's packed full of chicas, surfies, and now a bunch of mongaloid ruggers performing their best improvisations of public intoxication and urination.
"Naked Babies, Emu Omelets, and the Mystery Van" may have to take a back seat to a new saga regarding my experiences on the rugby field. Send me all of the positive thoughts, good karma, and voodoo spells you have locked away in your secret places, because I am more than certain I will need some powerful mojo working on the pitch this weekend.
I'll report more once my fingers, arms, legs, and cranium are operational after this inevitable upcoming pummeling.
"Blood makes the grass grow greener" - Old rugby saying
Not too much in this post, but I just wanted to let you know if I don't make it out alive it's been a good life!
What am I talking about?
COUNTRY CARNIVAL RUGBY UNION TOURNAMENT!!
I have come out of my 8-year retirement from rugby union to go and play with the Boulder-WASM team to provide them with a "fresh set of legs", although I'm not sure how fresh they are after all of these years.
Your beloved hero will wish he was covered in some kind of protective material when he's crashing headlong into a bunch of youg guys who were born in the last 2 decades, and to whom "The A-team" has something to do with elite sports. At least there will be booze and cold water to help fight off the aches and pains. The tournie is in Albany, a coastal town about 700 kms from Kalgoorlie. It's packed full of chicas, surfies, and now a bunch of mongaloid ruggers performing their best improvisations of public intoxication and urination.
"Naked Babies, Emu Omelets, and the Mystery Van" may have to take a back seat to a new saga regarding my experiences on the rugby field. Send me all of the positive thoughts, good karma, and voodoo spells you have locked away in your secret places, because I am more than certain I will need some powerful mojo working on the pitch this weekend.
I'll report more once my fingers, arms, legs, and cranium are operational after this inevitable upcoming pummeling.
"Blood makes the grass grow greener" - Old rugby saying
Friday, May 04, 2007
Naked Babies, Emu Omelets, and the Mystery Van-The Prequel
Now I know your lives have been empty without the inspiring words of the mighty sage, and now your wait is over. First off, there is one hell of a backlog of junk to talk about before I get to my most recent adventure, "Naked Babies, Emu Omelet, and the Mystery Van".
The last time I checked in, I had been a crispy critter ghetto superhero along with my two bro's and the girlfriend Fleetwood by proxy. I have heard that someone ran across my little rest stop on the information super highway and decided a couple of my illustrations were entertaining enough to pirate them and send them around in an e-mail. Fair enough, as I guess my view of copyright is a bit relaxed....I just better not see some jackass comicbook geek in dustville Iowa putting it on a T-shirt and claiming it as original work! (Hear that, Iowa.....I've got your number). Maybe I should start putting an uber-narcasistic signature on all of my artwork and pix from now on...or not. Free love, baby. Free love.
So we dragged some limbs out of the road and faced pneumonia and falling branches/downed powerlines. I would like to think at least one person appreciated what we did...but then again they would not have known who did it or when. I think the mayor owes us all a key to the city (with which I have no idea what to do...can't drive Springfield anywhere as it's murder on the gas tank, yo). So after I single-handedly saved the world, I made a couple of trips. These are they.
Arkansas
Las Vegas
Singapore
The planet formerly known as Pluto....or rather the Pluto formerly known as a planet
So I got in my little rental car and headed South to visit buds and birds, foregoing my hero status for a more relaxed (and non-frozen) environment. No real story to be told from AR (at least not one that certain people would want me to post...smack that ass, donkey!). Now to the big V.E.G.A.S.!
So my fat ex-first baseman is a really bad gambler, so much so that he gets nights comped at Harrah's casino properties anywhere in the country. We decide it is time to make a real trip to Vegas, as the last one 2 years ago was just an overnighter (over which we hope Eric is still married, Go Red Sox...inside joke). We figure 3 days should be long enough to either win or clear out all retirement funds/college funds/etc. Big Poppa alerted me that an old college buddy of his would be coming along, who does an interesting thing with cards and counting. Not that he "counts cards", but he practices an internal dialogue whilst playing Black Jack. I'm convinced he's reciting either Emily Dickinson, or old 2-Live Crew lyrics....but definitely NOT counting cards. See that, NOT counting cards....ummmm yeah.
So we get to Vegas, packed for 3 days of debauchery, gambling, and golf. The whole flight, my travelling companion was antsy. He even tried to play "Guess which Hand" with the stewardess, and lost $300 and his packet of peanuts before we were even in Nevada! (Not really Kat...he always wins). So we get there and collect our sorry excuses for golf clubs, knowing full well we would make a mess of a course at some point during our visit.
We get to the hotel, which would house our belongings for the next 3 days, and decide to hit the tables right away. I'm not a good gambler, as I don't have the juevos to stay in when I start losing hand after hand. To be a good gambler, you cannot view money as anything but a bargaining tool and something that you throw on the table to let you keep playing the odds. I guess my problem is I actually see those little plastic chips as something that represents rent, clothes, food, etc. Damn it all to hell for not being completely abstract. I step away from the table after getting down a bit and the big hand comes out to the jackass next to my now empty seat as I just shake my head in disbelief. 3-card poker and "Let It Ride" are my arch nemises. Both fast playing games that take little or no strategy to win or lose. Just cards as they spit out from the dealer. No matter how rudementary a game, it still takes intestinal fortitude to keep betting yourself into a hole until you hit the big one. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't SO bad that I would have been better off walking up to the casino manager and handing him my ATM card and then punching myself in the nuts...but I started even, and that would be the only time that 3 days that I would be that way!
Every now and again, I would take a hiatus from losing my future child's college fund and go for a walk to see if there were any hotties or generally interesting characters to watch in the casino and it's wallet-raping neighbours...not much to report there. At random times, all parties on the trip would convene in a common place and I always had the same question..."How we doin'?" #1 would say,"$750 up". #2, "$500 up". I would mumble, "What the fu*k? I suck...now I'm headed to the ATM". One good thing about gambling at 3am is you always have a tentative coctail waitress, "Keep 'em coming, cause that beer just cost me $150!"
Outside of gambling, there were a few activities. We watched a burlesque show called "La Femme". Strange as hell, but there were a few hotties in the show. What intrigues me is how they can find 20 girls all the same height, weight, rack, ass, etc. And all natural, baby...mmmm dancers! We watched Penn and Teller on stage. Good show, although a few acts were really crap. We were all amazed over the illusion where they shoot each other with guns and catch the bullets in their mouths. I would recommend the show if you get a chance and aren't broke from riding the tables or buying "female company". We went to The Voodoo Lounge, which was a small, smoky, crowded little hole in the wall that didn't stack up to all of the stories you hear. It's probably the best view in all of Vegas, but the bar itself is pretty lame. And when we were there, absolute SAUSAGE FACTORY!! I wanted to start calling the place "Pepperidge Farms". And then there was the golfing......But before all of that, there was a wedding. Most hearty congrats to ScottyG and Mon on their most joyous union!
Don't worry kiddies, there will be more coming, but I thought I'd give you something to keep you busy! Things to look forward to: Urination on a swanky golf course and saucy Singapore nights with a wild troop of Aussie babes!
Now I know your lives have been empty without the inspiring words of the mighty sage, and now your wait is over. First off, there is one hell of a backlog of junk to talk about before I get to my most recent adventure, "Naked Babies, Emu Omelet, and the Mystery Van".
The last time I checked in, I had been a crispy critter ghetto superhero along with my two bro's and the girlfriend Fleetwood by proxy. I have heard that someone ran across my little rest stop on the information super highway and decided a couple of my illustrations were entertaining enough to pirate them and send them around in an e-mail. Fair enough, as I guess my view of copyright is a bit relaxed....I just better not see some jackass comicbook geek in dustville Iowa putting it on a T-shirt and claiming it as original work! (Hear that, Iowa.....I've got your number). Maybe I should start putting an uber-narcasistic signature on all of my artwork and pix from now on...or not. Free love, baby. Free love.
So we dragged some limbs out of the road and faced pneumonia and falling branches/downed powerlines. I would like to think at least one person appreciated what we did...but then again they would not have known who did it or when. I think the mayor owes us all a key to the city (with which I have no idea what to do...can't drive Springfield anywhere as it's murder on the gas tank, yo). So after I single-handedly saved the world, I made a couple of trips. These are they.
Arkansas
Las Vegas
Singapore
The planet formerly known as Pluto....or rather the Pluto formerly known as a planet
So I got in my little rental car and headed South to visit buds and birds, foregoing my hero status for a more relaxed (and non-frozen) environment. No real story to be told from AR (at least not one that certain people would want me to post...smack that ass, donkey!). Now to the big V.E.G.A.S.!
So my fat ex-first baseman is a really bad gambler, so much so that he gets nights comped at Harrah's casino properties anywhere in the country. We decide it is time to make a real trip to Vegas, as the last one 2 years ago was just an overnighter (over which we hope Eric is still married, Go Red Sox...inside joke). We figure 3 days should be long enough to either win or clear out all retirement funds/college funds/etc. Big Poppa alerted me that an old college buddy of his would be coming along, who does an interesting thing with cards and counting. Not that he "counts cards", but he practices an internal dialogue whilst playing Black Jack. I'm convinced he's reciting either Emily Dickinson, or old 2-Live Crew lyrics....but definitely NOT counting cards. See that, NOT counting cards....ummmm yeah.
So we get to Vegas, packed for 3 days of debauchery, gambling, and golf. The whole flight, my travelling companion was antsy. He even tried to play "Guess which Hand" with the stewardess, and lost $300 and his packet of peanuts before we were even in Nevada! (Not really Kat...he always wins). So we get there and collect our sorry excuses for golf clubs, knowing full well we would make a mess of a course at some point during our visit.
We get to the hotel, which would house our belongings for the next 3 days, and decide to hit the tables right away. I'm not a good gambler, as I don't have the juevos to stay in when I start losing hand after hand. To be a good gambler, you cannot view money as anything but a bargaining tool and something that you throw on the table to let you keep playing the odds. I guess my problem is I actually see those little plastic chips as something that represents rent, clothes, food, etc. Damn it all to hell for not being completely abstract. I step away from the table after getting down a bit and the big hand comes out to the jackass next to my now empty seat as I just shake my head in disbelief. 3-card poker and "Let It Ride" are my arch nemises. Both fast playing games that take little or no strategy to win or lose. Just cards as they spit out from the dealer. No matter how rudementary a game, it still takes intestinal fortitude to keep betting yourself into a hole until you hit the big one. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't SO bad that I would have been better off walking up to the casino manager and handing him my ATM card and then punching myself in the nuts...but I started even, and that would be the only time that 3 days that I would be that way!
Every now and again, I would take a hiatus from losing my future child's college fund and go for a walk to see if there were any hotties or generally interesting characters to watch in the casino and it's wallet-raping neighbours...not much to report there. At random times, all parties on the trip would convene in a common place and I always had the same question..."How we doin'?" #1 would say,"$750 up". #2, "$500 up". I would mumble, "What the fu*k? I suck...now I'm headed to the ATM". One good thing about gambling at 3am is you always have a tentative coctail waitress, "Keep 'em coming, cause that beer just cost me $150!"
Outside of gambling, there were a few activities. We watched a burlesque show called "La Femme". Strange as hell, but there were a few hotties in the show. What intrigues me is how they can find 20 girls all the same height, weight, rack, ass, etc. And all natural, baby...mmmm dancers! We watched Penn and Teller on stage. Good show, although a few acts were really crap. We were all amazed over the illusion where they shoot each other with guns and catch the bullets in their mouths. I would recommend the show if you get a chance and aren't broke from riding the tables or buying "female company". We went to The Voodoo Lounge, which was a small, smoky, crowded little hole in the wall that didn't stack up to all of the stories you hear. It's probably the best view in all of Vegas, but the bar itself is pretty lame. And when we were there, absolute SAUSAGE FACTORY!! I wanted to start calling the place "Pepperidge Farms". And then there was the golfing......But before all of that, there was a wedding. Most hearty congrats to ScottyG and Mon on their most joyous union!
Shameless plug for the brothers....
Don't worry kiddies, there will be more coming, but I thought I'd give you something to keep you busy! Things to look forward to: Urination on a swanky golf course and saucy Singapore nights with a wild troop of Aussie babes!