Thursday, October 26, 2006
Back in the K.A.L.....
Howdy folks,
Well, Phil and I are back "home" in Kalgoorlie after our way-too-long stay in sunny central Queensland. I get to bask in the glory of "normal life" for about a month, then it's back to the mine. Shortly following a further 1-month stay in "the Gulag", I will be making a triumphant return to the good 'ole US of A for a wedding and some visitin'.
As I have been visiting a few blogs lately by people who I periodically check-in on, I have come to notice that September and October must just be bad months for the entire world! All of these poor "kids" seem to be watching their very lives crumble into dust around them, all at the ripe old age of 19!! Holy SHIT! Barring a life threatening disease or being the subject of a horrible crime, exactly what is there to be so damn distraught over at 19 years old? Oh, I feel fat. Oh, my piece of shit boyfriend of 3 months decided to text message another girl. My favourite flip-flops broke....ummmmm, yeah. Ask the little girl with leukemia what a bad day is all about.
To counter all of the bad mojo that these kids are harbouring and supplanting to the internet, I am going to post a blog about what makes me happy. I have plenty of things I could complain about, but how does that help me? There are also tons of things that make me smile, and maybe some folks should take note and post things that are good and silly and utterly pointless, but otherwise amusing. So here goes...
Things that make me happy:
Howdy folks,
Well, Phil and I are back "home" in Kalgoorlie after our way-too-long stay in sunny central Queensland. I get to bask in the glory of "normal life" for about a month, then it's back to the mine. Shortly following a further 1-month stay in "the Gulag", I will be making a triumphant return to the good 'ole US of A for a wedding and some visitin'.
As I have been visiting a few blogs lately by people who I periodically check-in on, I have come to notice that September and October must just be bad months for the entire world! All of these poor "kids" seem to be watching their very lives crumble into dust around them, all at the ripe old age of 19!! Holy SHIT! Barring a life threatening disease or being the subject of a horrible crime, exactly what is there to be so damn distraught over at 19 years old? Oh, I feel fat. Oh, my piece of shit boyfriend of 3 months decided to text message another girl. My favourite flip-flops broke....ummmmm, yeah. Ask the little girl with leukemia what a bad day is all about.
To counter all of the bad mojo that these kids are harbouring and supplanting to the internet, I am going to post a blog about what makes me happy. I have plenty of things I could complain about, but how does that help me? There are also tons of things that make me smile, and maybe some folks should take note and post things that are good and silly and utterly pointless, but otherwise amusing. So here goes...
Things that make me happy:
BIG TOYS
BIG BANG
BUBBY KICKING THE SHIT OUT OF A MUPPET
ACTING LIKE AN IDIOT IN PUBLIC
MY WOOBIE: OREO
GOOD MATES
Sunday, October 15, 2006
Fun with Freaks....
So my twin brother is a bit of a horror fanatic. Well, less of a fanatic and more like a freak (please see www.k-fleet.blogspot.com). The fact that he owns an $85 replica Jason Vorhees mask, and wears it, is proof enough of that. We still love him, though, until the sun goes down and he gets locked in his room in the basement ;)
So he is contemplating NOT dressing up for Halloween this year. Halloween is the one chance out of the year that the fans of the dark and morose get to publicly don their best horrific duds and not face arrest due to public endangerment. How could any self-respecting fan of horror cast aside the pagan holiday because they feel they are lacking creativity or because those around them do not appreciate the effort? I say slap on the gas mask (also newly purchased), get yourself a big killy-type thing, and trot to work as some odd creation that is sure to make at least one 6 year old sleep with his/her parents that night. As for the Yeti costume, why couldn't a yeti assimilate with society? Maybe he is a coffee bitch at Starbucks. I say put on a fat suit (as Yeti's do not like the Atkins diet), put on an apron and a name tag, and be the suburban Yeti who drives a Toyota Camry and slings half-caf caramel mochachinos with soy whip and cinnamon sprinkle!
So my twin brother is a bit of a horror fanatic. Well, less of a fanatic and more like a freak (please see www.k-fleet.blogspot.com). The fact that he owns an $85 replica Jason Vorhees mask, and wears it, is proof enough of that. We still love him, though, until the sun goes down and he gets locked in his room in the basement ;)
So he is contemplating NOT dressing up for Halloween this year. Halloween is the one chance out of the year that the fans of the dark and morose get to publicly don their best horrific duds and not face arrest due to public endangerment. How could any self-respecting fan of horror cast aside the pagan holiday because they feel they are lacking creativity or because those around them do not appreciate the effort? I say slap on the gas mask (also newly purchased), get yourself a big killy-type thing, and trot to work as some odd creation that is sure to make at least one 6 year old sleep with his/her parents that night. As for the Yeti costume, why couldn't a yeti assimilate with society? Maybe he is a coffee bitch at Starbucks. I say put on a fat suit (as Yeti's do not like the Atkins diet), put on an apron and a name tag, and be the suburban Yeti who drives a Toyota Camry and slings half-caf caramel mochachinos with soy whip and cinnamon sprinkle!
Positive Vibes to the Sgfld....
Okay y'all, I have a request for a favour. The eldest matriarch of the Fleetwood clan is ill and in the hospital. I need all two or three of you blog readers to send some positive vibes across to G-ma in Springfield to help her whip her pneumonia.
Okay y'all, I have a request for a favour. The eldest matriarch of the Fleetwood clan is ill and in the hospital. I need all two or three of you blog readers to send some positive vibes across to G-ma in Springfield to help her whip her pneumonia.
Friday, October 13, 2006
ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR..........My most humblest of apologies for forgetting this one...the fat orange cat that made me an artistic genius in 6th grade (I could draw the mess out of some Garfield).
And the Great Pumpkin rises out of the pumpkin patch.....
Australia = not big on Halloween!
It is a good chance I will miss the best Halloween show of all time, and really the only one that I can remember ever watching religiously around all hallows eve. It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown will most likely not air on every television channel 12 times in the 2 weeks leading up to Oct 31st. Created in 1966, this steadfast classic should be watched by everybody that can appreciate hand-drawn animation and a storyline that does not involve ninjas, balloon-faced Japanese anime characters, or half-arsed excuses for monsters. Charlie Brown's costume of a bed sheet with WAY too many holes to be a respectable ghost is a stroke of genius by the master creator Charles Shultz. Gee, which one is Pigpen? The one with the dust cloud at his feet, of course.
"I got a rock"Question: Why was there no Halloween claymation special in the spirit of Rudolph and the Easter Bunny?
Monday, October 09, 2006
LOSIN' IT...
So it is official. I have lost my beloved half-Southern drawl. I shall have a memorial service soon, and all of it's old friends will be invited. The Nor-Dakodan uptalk everquestion accent from my days in the tundra. The plain-Jane void of character Missouri accent. The ever-so-slightly Aussie twang from my first stint in Oz. The deep West-Texas drawl that took over for about a week while hanging out with the boys from Zephyr....they'll all be there. The eulogy will be given by my newest incarnation which is a diluted combination of Canadian/Australian uptalk and something else of which I have no explanation.
(Uptalk is where almost every word has an upward intonation, like a series of small questions all rolled into one big sentence that may or may not be a question in and of itself. Alot of Aussies talk like this...also alot of Canadians)
So how do I know I've lost it? Well, because I hear it every time I open my mouth. Everybody else hears it as well. I was on the radio the other day calling up a loader operator to get permission to enter his level, and he granted permission in the belief I was the acting mine manager. This particular manager is from Montana, and I would confidently place him on either side of the maple-leaf border. It was this point where I became aware that my beloved drawl had, in fact, flown North for the summer (as I'm in the Southern hemisphere and all). This causes me a bit of angst, as I have always seen myself as a bit of a Southern person, and it was my novelty while living in the Northern states.
Technically, I am not Southern. Missouri is not a "Southern" state, although alot of people "up North" believe it to be nestled ever so comfortably between Louisiana and Alabama thanks to a less than spectacular public school education. To set the record straight, Missouri is right at the crossroads of pretty much everything. It's where the Mississippi meets the Missouri river. It's not far from the geographical center of the US landmass (I think that's in Kansas). The only thing that makes it southern is the fact that there is a bit of cotton farming in the bootheel area, and it was a swing state when the state constitution was ratified, meaning both sides were fighting for it over slavery rights. Our neighbour to the South, Arkansas, is considered "mid-South". MO's neighbours to the West and North, Kansas and Iowa, are Great Plains states. To the East is Illinois, which is kind of Appalachian, but mostly plains. MO also neighbours Oklahoma, Texas, Nebraska, a little of Louisiana, and Tennessee...hodgepodge! So what would Missouri be? We have the metro areas of KC and StLouis, the cotton farms and lead mines in the east part of the state, the Hillbillies in the Southern part, and a town called Knob Noster. When I lived in the great state of Arkansas, I was called a "Yankee", even though I was a whopping 4 hours South of where I grew up. In NoDak, I was called a "Southern boy". Pretty much everywhere else, I answer to "dickhead".
So I'm geographically almost Southern, and proudly 50% Hillbilly (Mom's side are not hillbillies). I was raised with somewhat Southern values, and that has confused/frustrated many people along the pathway of my life...mostly females who have never been exposed to it. I am convinced that the ghost of Robert E. Lee would haunt me if I let a female pay a check in front of me in good conscience. If a female opens a door or pulls a chair in front of me, I will scowl to signal my discontent. My grandfather in heaven would recruit Zeus to whack my pee-pee off with a lightening bolt if I raised my voice to a woman, and strike me dead if a ever raised a hand to one. I believe in women's rights, and liberation, but chivalry and Southern hospitality are NOT dead. I believe that most women outside the "deep South" do not understand this, as they have never been exposed to it. The younger generations of males are not being taught to be kind, patient, loyal, and protective of the opposite sex. One of the worst phrases in the English vocabulary is "going dutch"...meaning each party paying half on a date (not actually visiting the spectacular Netherlands (hi Hanaka)). And now you're saying, "Sooooooo. What is this about?"
Take it from me, Aussies just don't understand........
This would be the next song Will Smith (sorry, I mean the Fresh Prince) would record if he were to live in Oz for a while. I became aware of one particularly Southern thing that Australians don't get. I was sitting down to dinner the other night with a plate of roast beef, vegetables, and a couple of slices of watermelon. The people at the table looked at me like I had a 3rd foot growing out of my forehead.....and it was singing "Don't Worry, Be Happy"....in a bad Scottish accent....while wiggling it's toes and playing one of those no-hands harmonicas.
They were absolutely blown away that watermelon could exist on the same plate as "dinner food" without causing a rip in the space-time continuum. I proceeded to calmly explain that you don't get decent watermelon for more than a couple of weeks a year during the summer back in the States, so when it's ripe you eat the mess out of it until you can't stomach it anymore. Now I believe that eating watermelon is a Southern thing....or maybe I'm just a watermelon freak! I then asked them about my choice of watermelon with my scrambled eggs at breakfast...apparently the foot sprung 3 more toes and struck up a chorus of "Pour Some Sugar on Me". They were in utter disbelief. I'm not talking about dicing it up and frying it into an omelet...just occupying the same space on a plate (and in my stomach) as scrambled eggs.
This got me to thinking about the other Southern/American things that Aussies have no appreciation for. I don't blame them, as they have not really been exposed them due to either import restrictions, outright "nothavingit-ness", or lack of proper marketing by the manufacturers in the States. These are daily-life intricacies that don't normally show up in the TV or movies that they get over here from the States, so they are shocked to hear about it, and even more shocked to see a real American doing it.
These are things I've noticed that shocked people when they saw me do it, or you just can't get the product it in Oz:
Things I do that Aussies freak out about:
1) spread peanut butter on toast
2) eat watermelon with any/every meal
3) not put milk in my coffee
4) not eat toasted everything sandwiches (they love their toasties)
5) not butter my bread/buns for burgers/sandwiches
Products/foods that Aussies just don't understand:
1) buttermilk biscuits (biscuits are cookies in Oz)
2) Kool-Aid
3) Cool-Whip
4) Diet Mountain Dew (the nectar of the gods)
5) Pop Tarts
6) ballpark franks (hot dogs)
7) pumpkin pie (pumpkin is a side-dish in Oz)
8) sourdough bagels
9) crisp bacon
10) packaged bologna
11) root beer
Things Aussies eat that are different:
1) beetroot on sandwiches(I eat it, too)
2) Vegemite/Promite (which I like now)
3) fried egg on hamburgers
4) brown gravy on everything...especially french fries (chips)(Southern style I guess)
Other things that are not really understood by Aussies:
Daggy sweaters on Christmas (the do BBQ's and go to the beach...summer for them)
Fireworks (illegal in most of Oz)
SUPERBOWL or MLB World Series
So it is official. I have lost my beloved half-Southern drawl. I shall have a memorial service soon, and all of it's old friends will be invited. The Nor-Dakodan uptalk everquestion accent from my days in the tundra. The plain-Jane void of character Missouri accent. The ever-so-slightly Aussie twang from my first stint in Oz. The deep West-Texas drawl that took over for about a week while hanging out with the boys from Zephyr....they'll all be there. The eulogy will be given by my newest incarnation which is a diluted combination of Canadian/Australian uptalk and something else of which I have no explanation.
(Uptalk is where almost every word has an upward intonation, like a series of small questions all rolled into one big sentence that may or may not be a question in and of itself. Alot of Aussies talk like this...also alot of Canadians)
So how do I know I've lost it? Well, because I hear it every time I open my mouth. Everybody else hears it as well. I was on the radio the other day calling up a loader operator to get permission to enter his level, and he granted permission in the belief I was the acting mine manager. This particular manager is from Montana, and I would confidently place him on either side of the maple-leaf border. It was this point where I became aware that my beloved drawl had, in fact, flown North for the summer (as I'm in the Southern hemisphere and all). This causes me a bit of angst, as I have always seen myself as a bit of a Southern person, and it was my novelty while living in the Northern states.
Technically, I am not Southern. Missouri is not a "Southern" state, although alot of people "up North" believe it to be nestled ever so comfortably between Louisiana and Alabama thanks to a less than spectacular public school education. To set the record straight, Missouri is right at the crossroads of pretty much everything. It's where the Mississippi meets the Missouri river. It's not far from the geographical center of the US landmass (I think that's in Kansas). The only thing that makes it southern is the fact that there is a bit of cotton farming in the bootheel area, and it was a swing state when the state constitution was ratified, meaning both sides were fighting for it over slavery rights. Our neighbour to the South, Arkansas, is considered "mid-South". MO's neighbours to the West and North, Kansas and Iowa, are Great Plains states. To the East is Illinois, which is kind of Appalachian, but mostly plains. MO also neighbours Oklahoma, Texas, Nebraska, a little of Louisiana, and Tennessee...hodgepodge! So what would Missouri be? We have the metro areas of KC and StLouis, the cotton farms and lead mines in the east part of the state, the Hillbillies in the Southern part, and a town called Knob Noster. When I lived in the great state of Arkansas, I was called a "Yankee", even though I was a whopping 4 hours South of where I grew up. In NoDak, I was called a "Southern boy". Pretty much everywhere else, I answer to "dickhead".
So I'm geographically almost Southern, and proudly 50% Hillbilly (Mom's side are not hillbillies). I was raised with somewhat Southern values, and that has confused/frustrated many people along the pathway of my life...mostly females who have never been exposed to it. I am convinced that the ghost of Robert E. Lee would haunt me if I let a female pay a check in front of me in good conscience. If a female opens a door or pulls a chair in front of me, I will scowl to signal my discontent. My grandfather in heaven would recruit Zeus to whack my pee-pee off with a lightening bolt if I raised my voice to a woman, and strike me dead if a ever raised a hand to one. I believe in women's rights, and liberation, but chivalry and Southern hospitality are NOT dead. I believe that most women outside the "deep South" do not understand this, as they have never been exposed to it. The younger generations of males are not being taught to be kind, patient, loyal, and protective of the opposite sex. One of the worst phrases in the English vocabulary is "going dutch"...meaning each party paying half on a date (not actually visiting the spectacular Netherlands (hi Hanaka)). And now you're saying, "Sooooooo. What is this about?"
Take it from me, Aussies just don't understand........
This would be the next song Will Smith (sorry, I mean the Fresh Prince) would record if he were to live in Oz for a while. I became aware of one particularly Southern thing that Australians don't get. I was sitting down to dinner the other night with a plate of roast beef, vegetables, and a couple of slices of watermelon. The people at the table looked at me like I had a 3rd foot growing out of my forehead.....and it was singing "Don't Worry, Be Happy"....in a bad Scottish accent....while wiggling it's toes and playing one of those no-hands harmonicas.
They were absolutely blown away that watermelon could exist on the same plate as "dinner food" without causing a rip in the space-time continuum. I proceeded to calmly explain that you don't get decent watermelon for more than a couple of weeks a year during the summer back in the States, so when it's ripe you eat the mess out of it until you can't stomach it anymore. Now I believe that eating watermelon is a Southern thing....or maybe I'm just a watermelon freak! I then asked them about my choice of watermelon with my scrambled eggs at breakfast...apparently the foot sprung 3 more toes and struck up a chorus of "Pour Some Sugar on Me". They were in utter disbelief. I'm not talking about dicing it up and frying it into an omelet...just occupying the same space on a plate (and in my stomach) as scrambled eggs.
This got me to thinking about the other Southern/American things that Aussies have no appreciation for. I don't blame them, as they have not really been exposed them due to either import restrictions, outright "nothavingit-ness", or lack of proper marketing by the manufacturers in the States. These are daily-life intricacies that don't normally show up in the TV or movies that they get over here from the States, so they are shocked to hear about it, and even more shocked to see a real American doing it.
These are things I've noticed that shocked people when they saw me do it, or you just can't get the product it in Oz:
Things I do that Aussies freak out about:
1) spread peanut butter on toast
2) eat watermelon with any/every meal
3) not put milk in my coffee
4) not eat toasted everything sandwiches (they love their toasties)
5) not butter my bread/buns for burgers/sandwiches
Products/foods that Aussies just don't understand:
1) buttermilk biscuits (biscuits are cookies in Oz)
2) Kool-Aid
3) Cool-Whip
4) Diet Mountain Dew (the nectar of the gods)
5) Pop Tarts
6) ballpark franks (hot dogs)
7) pumpkin pie (pumpkin is a side-dish in Oz)
8) sourdough bagels
9) crisp bacon
10) packaged bologna
11) root beer
Things Aussies eat that are different:
1) beetroot on sandwiches(I eat it, too)
2) Vegemite/Promite (which I like now)
3) fried egg on hamburgers
4) brown gravy on everything...especially french fries (chips)(Southern style I guess)
Other things that are not really understood by Aussies:
Daggy sweaters on Christmas (the do BBQ's and go to the beach...summer for them)
Fireworks (illegal in most of Oz)
SUPERBOWL or MLB World Series
