Seppo Down Under

The Fabulous Foursome had uncovered a plot by Mister Cold Miser to unjustly punish the people of Springfieldville for all of the years of torment he had suffered at the hands of his hot-blooded brother, Mister Heat Miser....and they ate some egregiously undercooked, taco-flavoured meat log accompanied by mashed potatoes with NO GRAVY! Tell me, what is the real crime here?

As our heroes come to terms with their new abilities, they decide to begin their reign as the new super troupe in town by easing the traffic woes in their own little slice of Springfieldville, prior to saving the rest of the world. The previous super heroes of Springfieldville, The Human Butthole and The Flamer had mysteriously relocated to San Francisco with their super dog Yorkshire Terrier under rumours that they were more than a dynamic duo, but that's a story for another day (and audience).

As the freezing rain pelts our heroes, IT exclaims,"We must ease the suffering of the people," while pointing to a large ice and timber obstruction in the quaint but moderately creepy looking avenue.

As our heroes go to work clearing the Chrysler-sized roadblock, an innocent townsperson drives up to the obstruction and exits his vehicle in a effort to help, or at least look like he was thinking about helping just in case God or a hot chick were watching.

"Sir, don't worry, we're specially trained," explains IT while gingerly tossing a 2-tonne tree trunk from the roadway and grasping the fully-charged electrical livewire sparking on the wet asphalt. "I sure get a CHARGE out of helping people, " says IT while tying the cable to the pole from which it had broken.

"Dude, you're busted." retorts En Fuego.

"Oh, come on, that was good stuff right there. Who ever heard of a superhero that didn't use corny one-liners?" argues IT.

"I don't know what you two are going to do, but ICE gonna keep cleaning the road," slips in Elasto-Dude (ED), chuckling under his breath.

"You're both stupid," scoffs Fuego, "Aren't they, Heath?"...silence..."Damnit, we really need to put a bell on her. Lets go down there, it looks pretty messy." As they walk down the road (and En Fuego flies because he's a dickhead), they move small branches from the road. "What a DRAG...he he" En Fuego mutters as he slides a half-tree from the roadway.

With the roadway now clear, the foursome (well, three of the four as Transparent Chick has conveniently disappeared to go look at some flashing blue police lights...not that we'd know if she were there or not...she's friggin' invisible) look around with a sense of accomplishment and in unison orate their new-found hero slogan...."Passable".

After several hours of triumphant heroing, our mighty band of brothers encounter wreckage of the likes you have never seen. One tree the size of a Cadillac is sitting entirely ACROSS the road. "This is a catastrophe," exclaims Elasto-Dude.

"And I think it is a Leadwood tree, meaning it is way too heavy for us to move, brother," sites IT. "It may also be cursed by the devil and be held in place by a rip in the space-time continuum, plus a tractor beam and a point discontinuity like the origin of a black hole."

""Let's try it, even though there is no way we can move it without some sort of laser cutting tool and a vanishing ray," comments ED. "We should be able to roll it over...."

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA Yeah, right.

So the threesome dick around unsuccessfully with the Californian redwood Sequoya weighing approximately 300,000 tonnes....yeah, I'm a bit sore over that damn tree. If I'd had my druthers, I would have gone after it all Thor like with my big-ass hammer. It would have looked a bit like this....

So I wanted to go psycho on this branch, see. It was a prick let me tell you.

As our heroes complete their mighty task, they begin to retire one by one to their humble abode to rest for the evening, wet but mostly triumphant.

Upon waking the next morning, our heroes are back to normal. En Fuego is back to being K2, and Transparent Chick has returned to the mild-mannered Heather. K1 and K3 are once again average fastly approaching middle-aged guys with moderately hip dress sense and smaller than average....um....hands? Did this tale happen in an alternate universe, or did the effect of the nuclear-waste fueled blast just wear off?

Well, friends, I believe this all happened in another dimension. I assume so because when it was freezing rain, it was, in fact, too cold to snow! Oh yeah, and transformers up in the sky were popping left and right.